Empire state of heart

The mind is a powerful engine. It will make you or break you.

I once thought I had it all. The truth is I was becoming nothing and I felt nothing. I was starting to change into someone I was not , let circumstances shape me entirely different to who I once had been. I look back and feel sick at heart, somehow disappointed at the fact that I let the shine slip away from my hands.

I’ve been desperately looking for a way out of the life that I made mine. From a beautiful life that didn’t quite fit. I need a dream solution, not just any seemingly slightly awkward fudge. 

My all or nothing approach is no rainbows and butterflies. There are times when I can’t breath. Not figuratively, literally. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to go on like this, over-caffeinated, kicking a day off with a good dose of soul- terror.

Here, I will say it:

There are days when I am hoping for a change of heart. I wish I was my true self doing what I used to do, living where I used to live. I wish I was able to let go of the life I dream draw in my head. I wish I didn’t love New York. It feels as if the city peed all over me when I was born and marked its territory! I wish it wasn’t the only butter to my bread. 

What would happen if you thought you were not capable enough, not strong enough, not deserving enough to accomplish your dreams? I need you to know that you are all that. I need you to know that we’ll be fine.

But what if the motivation fails us one day? Would we be happier realizing who we are is enough, or better yet, it’s our version of ‘perfect’? I’m afraid answer to this may be ‘yes’, but I’m not ready to find out just yet. I’ll keep on fighting through the burn.

Yes… The mind is a powerful engine. It will make you or break you.

bukowski

Yours truly,

B.

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9 thoughts on “Empire state of heart

  1. Was hard but finally got here :D

    Don’t you think that things we call dreams are all this stuff which is barely impossible to achieve? And from where do you know that your dream is right for you, that you will be happy on the way to fulfill and after fulfilling it? Sad, but true.

    • Well, hello! =)

      A combination of ability/motivation/desire and a deep understanding of myself- now that’s what I romantically call ‘a dream’. Knowing it’s right comes with experience… When every other way you try can’t give you what ‘the dream’ gives you. At least that’s my story.

      If it doesn’t hurt anyone- try to be the truest you no matter the obstacles.

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